when you told me the whole story I felt like throwing up

But I’m better now

A year with many losses broke me

Now I can’t feel and that’s good

It’s been more than a month

Hahaha what I learned

You proclaim that you’re not ready for a relationship

You said you loved me like a friend

..

You never loved me

You never cared about me

You never had me in ur mind

You didn’t respect me

.

I was stupid to believe that I was in your heart in the first place

It was my fault for being with someone like you

I really wished I never met you

And I will never want to see you

Thinking of you all the same

Caring about you

That cheating situation still hurts today

you are able to do something like that

I love you everyday the same like nothing happened

honestly it’s like I’m waiting everyday for you to come back

But I know u won’t

.

Haha it’s hurts a little when you called me so late to talk so little to me

We used to talk for hours and hours

But now slowly I start to forget a little bit about how we could call everyday

Have long talks

Your comforting voice

I miss it really

Too bad it’s over

You’re not with me anymore

I say everyday I’ll be okay

Note to self

Just move on, he doesn’t even want to be with you in a relationship anymore

He’s doesn’t want to try or save this relationship

He just don’t want you to be like this and seeing u in pain

It’s not the same as before

Right now all you can do is reminise

Don’t look back don’t go back

It would be the same as last time

Crying every night

Cutting all the time

Losing my life

.

You don’t need someone to make you happy

You make your own choices for your happiness

Going back will just reopen the deep scar

He’s not the same guy you fell for anymore or maybe he was

But now it’s just his true self

Don’t listen to the I love you it doesn’t mean shit anymore

He doesn’t love you like you do

I promise I would really loved you more than her I’m promise I treated you way better than her

I would never let you feel like that again when I met you

But you made me feel like that like how she treated you but worse

With cheating lying broken promises

Don’t wait anymore

Please leave him

Don’t love him because he won’t ever love you back

I’m sorry things couldn’t be the same anymore but it’s just life

You just meet the wrong people sometimes

You fall for the wrong people sometimes

It’s alright

I’m sure one day I’ll be alright

I’ll miss you I’ll love you

Guess I wasn’t enough to change you for the better

I wished I could done better but is alright

It’s not my fault

You couldn’t change for me

You couldn’t love me better

You couldn’t treat me better

It’s alright

Everything is going to be alright

Be strong don’t breakdown

If one day I decided to end my life

Don’t worry I’ll be happy

I’ll be really really happy with that

I’ll see u again if I had another life

today I still wished to be with you again in another life

But if there isn’t another life, I hope you regret not treating me better like it’s your last day on earth

I’ll be okay

I’ll get better

please live for me and suffer more than I did

Experience the pain I had when u did those horrible things to me

Know that I always love you and you forever have my heart since 20th May

Stay alive love

I thought I will get better but I didn’t

I’m still in love with him

Somewhat everything he does affects me so much

Like deleting our photos

Following girls on Instagram

.

I felt so angry and disappointed again

But this time we’re not even together anymore

He didn’t text me for 6 days I feel like I’m losing my shit

Hais I feel like cutting my skin out

I’m sad again and depressed for 3 months

Am I suppose to still wait and love you for 11 years?

Fuck you’re really selfish : (

Why can u fix things with me

Why won’t u try?

Why do I still have hope that soon u will change and want me back

I still think of you

Everyday

Everything reminds me of you

It’s still hurts

Till today I still wonder why u would cheat on me

.

You look great without me in your life

I’m still holding on to you

I still believe one day I can be with you again

But you don’t feel the same right?

You want to move on from this relationship

I’m not fucking enough to change you

I will never be

This feeling is here this pain is here

Everyday

.

Even after I let you go it still hurts

All of these still hurts

I want to end myself

“I wished I have never met you”

you said that to me last year and I didn’t get why

now I know

Me too

You became everything u didn’t want to be

I’m still tired

I want to end this

I want to end this pain

I want to end this life

I think I might do it for real this year

Goodnite

I think I have finally set my mind to let you go

Somehow my feelings didn’t fade after all those painful shits I had to deal

I found out so much more about you

It’s stupid how I still accepted it

All theses are so painful I feel so sad to anyone who had these feelings like I do

Because no one deserve to feel like this

.

I remember the day you said you wished you didn’t told me you liked me

I couldn’t understand why

But now I do and I feel the same way right mow

I wish I didn’t asked you about your feelings towards me

I wish I didn’t caught feelings and falling for you everyday

I wish we never got together in the first place

It took me this long to understood why you felt this way

.

It’s going to be all over soon

But I know I will still be crying over you

I would never had these feelings for anyone else anymore

I was really blinded by love

.

This is for you

Honestly

I hope you will regret leaving me for your whole entire life

I hope when you die, you would experience the pain I had when you hurt me

I hope you can’t find anyone else better than me

Who loved you as much as I did

I hope you regret not treating me better

You just ditch a great girl for your fucking lust and selfish desires

Your going to remember me forever as your biggest regret

You deserve to be in pain

.

But yet this love I have for you says something different

I would still love you

It’s just hard breaking that it had to be me who experienced this with you

It’s just disappointing I couldn’t be your last

I hope you treat your next better and love her like I love you

When you found the love of your life, you would know that this is love

To the point that other girls doesn’t interest you

You won’t look at other girls, go to clubs and look at dirty websites

Sorry I wasn’t enough to change you

Sorry I wasn’t enough to make you want to be a better person

You made me want to be a better person

.

There’s so many things I want to tell you

It’s so endless but now I won’t be there to tell you anymore

You won’t be always there for me anymore

You’re not mine anymore

I still don’t think I can take it

.

I know you would cry reading this

But tomorrow you won’t remember a word I said

That’s how insignificant I am to you

.

I’m really sad I couldn’t be with you I still want this but it’s not the same

It’s just one sided, me being blinded

I really believed all your promises and words

But they turned out to be broken and lies

Sorry I couldn’t marry you

Sorry I wasn’t the love of your lofe

I’m really sorry I wasn’t enough

I’m at the place where I gave you the biggest chance

I’m breaking down

I want to just end my life

It hurts to feel like this but it also hurts more without you in my life

I think I’m done with life

.

You asked me when was the last time I was really happy with you

Honestly I can’t remember

Now everything just hurts

Sorry for giving theses expectations

..

Sorry mom

I have been hurting too long

Really to long

I wasn’t suppose to be there today

I really regretted not ending it sooner

Sorry I couldn’t be a good daughter

…

i know i fucked up

I should have let him go

it comes back every night to haunt me again

intense flashback even when I’m with him

it’s still hurts today

.

I already knew

things won’t be the same, people change

lesser attention and love

me being more needy and psychotic

it doesn’t feel right

something doesn’t feel right

..

I started to have anxiety attack nowhere

I still break down every night

I try to stop it

I’m really trying

@&@

all of these but it’s wasn’t enough

it wasn’t enough to break me into pieces yet

it wasn’t enough love and effort I needed

I know I really know

you couldn’t give me what I wanted I know

I just wish I could just forget about it

Maybe this could have been better

I hate myself

Goodnite

I want to be dead in your arms, LY